Expectations and Realities - Before and After Marriage

Relationship is a very beautiful word and gives a feeling of belongingness to most of us. There are so many different kinds of relationships existing in this world. When a guy and a gal meet in their teenage and start liking each other, they form a relationship. Usually, this relationship continues for some time. The liking for each other develops into love and then they decide to go further with marriage. With the change in the name and status of relationship, a lot of other things also change. Human being, as always, has been reluctant to accept changes and this change being brought by the change in marital status spoils the existing relationship, if not understood properly.

How to understand a relationship? A relationship is understood by understanding the elements of the relationship, which are love, care, time, importance, etc. Each of these elements is vital for survival of the relationship and nourishes the relationship to make it beautiful. Let us take an example of a relationship in which everything exists except the couple does not have time for each other. Unless you share time, everything else become meaningless and your partner gets used to not seeing you most of the time in routine life. After a while, your presence will bother your partner as you have made your partner not used to see you around. For every relationship, it is necessary to have all the elements in right proportion and the expectations are built and kept in limit.

The differences between expectations and reality before and after marriage are wide. The reason for these differences is that the expectations from the partner increases after marriage, whereas the reality is that we start taking our partner for granted after marriage. Once you start taking your partner for granted, you do not show the love and care as before and you also cut down on the time you used to spend with your partner before marriage. These changes make the relationship bitter. For an example, a guy love to send flowers to his girlfriend on every occasion. He remembers the dates when they met, when they talked first, when he proposed, etc. After marriage, the guy forgets his partner’s birthday, their marriage anniversary and so on. This drastic change has catastrophic effect on the relationship.

Let us see some of the responsibilities shared between partners before and after marriage and the repercussions of change on the relationship. A guy always makes sure to pick and drop his girlfriend to workplace, whenever required. They both care for the family members of each other. In many cases, they also share the financial needs without making each other feel the burden. After marriage, they find the same expectations as obligations, which they are not willing to take for each other. They start feeling that these obligations are hindering their own growth and squeezing their personal space. With time, the partner’s expectations get shattered and the changes in behavior become obvious. Most of the time, these changes come out as fights and arguments. They start avoiding family and friends and even find it tough to share the expenses for the partner.

Commitment makes a relationship stronger and also helps in developing trust and respect between partners. We always expect commitment from our partner before getting into relationship. These commitments are the base on which the building of relationship stands. You always want your partner to be loyal to you. In addition, you want your partner to be caring and true irrespective of the phase of your life. Before marriage, it is easy to commit as you can only think about the responsibilities but cannot feel the reality of responsibilities. We cannot see each and every dimension of our commitments unless we start to live a married life. In many cases, it is not easy for the partners to take the reality of commitments. This makes it very important to understand the commitment very well before getting into a relationship. You should give ample time to each other and discuss each and every aspect of the commitment. You should be able to see the elements which may bother you in future and how to mitigate the ill-effect of those elements of hindrance.

It is very important to share information accurately to your partner. If you have anything in your mind, which you think might affect your married life later, do not hesitate in sharing. It is a fact that if you discuss a potential problem beforehand, you might have the solution, or you can also take precautions. Many times, a small problem which is ignored in the initial stages turns out to be disaster later on. Take an example of a couple where the guy has a child from previous marriage but he has not discussed it before marrying the girl. After few months of their marriage, the girl gets to know about this and was surprised and shocked as she was never told before. If the guy had discussed it before marriage then the girl might have happily accepted the truth. But, accepting a lie is not easy and always leaves a dirty spot on your relationship. Be true, precise and sensitive while sharing information. The more openness you show in your relationship, the more beautiful it becomes. In addition, the chance of remaining it beautiful after marriage also increases.

The essence of any relationship is its elements. To make the relationship beautiful and worthy, you have to nourish it with truth, love, care and time. There are a lot of expectations you have from your partners. You want your partner to be the one who fulfill all your dreams and desires. There is nothing wrong in it unless you are also willing to come to the expectations of your partner. You should also understand that your partner has similar expectations, dreams and desires you need to fulfill. The clarity of expectations and understanding the differences between expectations and realities makes the relationship works for both the partners.