एहसास

आज मेरे घर में तन्हाई नहीं दिख रही
शायद कमरे में कोई और भी रहने लगा है
हर चीज़ पे मेरी किसी की उँगलियों के निशान हैं
खुशबू महक रही है जानी पहचानी सी कोई
वो हर पल जो तुम पास नहीं थे मेरे, मेरे पास है
मेरे साथ मेरा इंतज़ार भी सांस ले रहा है

Expectations and Realities - Before and After Marriage

Relationship is a very beautiful word and gives a feeling of belongingness to most of us. There are so many different kinds of relationships existing in this world. When a guy and a gal meet in their teenage and start liking each other, they form a relationship. Usually, this relationship continues for some time. The liking for each other develops into love and then they decide to go further with marriage. With the change in the name and status of relationship, a lot of other things also change. Human being, as always, has been reluctant to accept changes and this change being brought by the change in marital status spoils the existing relationship, if not understood properly.

How to understand a relationship? A relationship is understood by understanding the elements of the relationship, which are love, care, time, importance, etc. Each of these elements is vital for survival of the relationship and nourishes the relationship to make it beautiful. Let us take an example of a relationship in which everything exists except the couple does not have time for each other. Unless you share time, everything else become meaningless and your partner gets used to not seeing you most of the time in routine life. After a while, your presence will bother your partner as you have made your partner not used to see you around. For every relationship, it is necessary to have all the elements in right proportion and the expectations are built and kept in limit.

The differences between expectations and reality before and after marriage are wide. The reason for these differences is that the expectations from the partner increases after marriage, whereas the reality is that we start taking our partner for granted after marriage. Once you start taking your partner for granted, you do not show the love and care as before and you also cut down on the time you used to spend with your partner before marriage. These changes make the relationship bitter. For an example, a guy love to send flowers to his girlfriend on every occasion. He remembers the dates when they met, when they talked first, when he proposed, etc. After marriage, the guy forgets his partner’s birthday, their marriage anniversary and so on. This drastic change has catastrophic effect on the relationship.

Let us see some of the responsibilities shared between partners before and after marriage and the repercussions of change on the relationship. A guy always makes sure to pick and drop his girlfriend to workplace, whenever required. They both care for the family members of each other. In many cases, they also share the financial needs without making each other feel the burden. After marriage, they find the same expectations as obligations, which they are not willing to take for each other. They start feeling that these obligations are hindering their own growth and squeezing their personal space. With time, the partner’s expectations get shattered and the changes in behavior become obvious. Most of the time, these changes come out as fights and arguments. They start avoiding family and friends and even find it tough to share the expenses for the partner.

Commitment makes a relationship stronger and also helps in developing trust and respect between partners. We always expect commitment from our partner before getting into relationship. These commitments are the base on which the building of relationship stands. You always want your partner to be loyal to you. In addition, you want your partner to be caring and true irrespective of the phase of your life. Before marriage, it is easy to commit as you can only think about the responsibilities but cannot feel the reality of responsibilities. We cannot see each and every dimension of our commitments unless we start to live a married life. In many cases, it is not easy for the partners to take the reality of commitments. This makes it very important to understand the commitment very well before getting into a relationship. You should give ample time to each other and discuss each and every aspect of the commitment. You should be able to see the elements which may bother you in future and how to mitigate the ill-effect of those elements of hindrance.

It is very important to share information accurately to your partner. If you have anything in your mind, which you think might affect your married life later, do not hesitate in sharing. It is a fact that if you discuss a potential problem beforehand, you might have the solution, or you can also take precautions. Many times, a small problem which is ignored in the initial stages turns out to be disaster later on. Take an example of a couple where the guy has a child from previous marriage but he has not discussed it before marrying the girl. After few months of their marriage, the girl gets to know about this and was surprised and shocked as she was never told before. If the guy had discussed it before marriage then the girl might have happily accepted the truth. But, accepting a lie is not easy and always leaves a dirty spot on your relationship. Be true, precise and sensitive while sharing information. The more openness you show in your relationship, the more beautiful it becomes. In addition, the chance of remaining it beautiful after marriage also increases.

The essence of any relationship is its elements. To make the relationship beautiful and worthy, you have to nourish it with truth, love, care and time. There are a lot of expectations you have from your partners. You want your partner to be the one who fulfill all your dreams and desires. There is nothing wrong in it unless you are also willing to come to the expectations of your partner. You should also understand that your partner has similar expectations, dreams and desires you need to fulfill. The clarity of expectations and understanding the differences between expectations and realities makes the relationship works for both the partners.

Online Shopping

Again, it is time to share something. Today, I will share my online shopping experiences. I started purchasing online when I was in college. I used the Web site www.rediff.com. I ordered a piece of shirt, which was attractive in the display picture. When it reached, the color was dull, the material so cheap and size smaller than I asked for. My 400-500 rupees were wasted. When I complained, they wanted me to spend money on returning the defective item and then they will replace. I doubted and didn’t return. Few months after that, I purchased a walkman with inbuilt speakers, which was priced very cheap on www.rediff.com. The walkman I received was cheap in everything. The erring sound would blow my ears with the extra noise, which I did not pay for. I stopped purchasing online.

Two years back, I came across Web sites, www.futurebazaar.com and www.indiaplaza.in. I started with small purchases and this time the world was totally different. These sites sell their items at a very competitive price and provide you with a lot of options to choose from. They sell products of all the good brands available in the market. In addition to this, they provide excellent customer service. Futurebazaar replaces your item, if found defective, and they arrange for the pickup of defective item and delivery of fresh item without any extra charges. They pack the items nicely for safety in transportation and send the items via one of the best courier service providers. I must have purchased items worth thousands, which include pressure cooker, printer, mixer-grinder, camera, etc. I never had any complains till now. They are prompt to reply and you can always connect to them on the customer service numbers.

Meanwhile, I again tried www.rediff.com for shopping and to my surprise they are still the same. To begin with, they do not have any customer service number or email id to contact. They will provide you the sellers email id and numbers which will never work. So once you have paid money to them, there is no way in this world you can catch them. Moreover, you can give feedback for the seller, and if your feedback is good it is published else it is not. I guess this was my last shopping experience with rediff.com. I have also tried www.indiatimes.com twice and their service is good.

My suggestion would be to check the sites www.futurebazaar.com and www.indiaplaza.in, compare the prices including the courier charges and then place the order if you find it better than you can get it in your local shops. There are also some good modes of payments such as http://www.paymate.co.in or http://www.giftmate.co.in, which rolls out attractive offers at times.

Happy online shopping.

टूटे ख्वाब

आज मेरे कुछ ख्वाब टूट गए
क्यूँ मैं जीता था इस उम्मीद में
कि मेरे ख्वाब में परियां होंगी
जबकि मेरे उम्मीद की कोई सतह ही नहीं

ख्वाब की परियों के पर नहीं होते
बिना किसी अपेक्षा के प्यार नहीं होता
होता नहीं बिना जीवनचक्र का कोई रिश्ता
सहारा कोई भी जीवन भर का नहीं होता

अब जी नहीं करता मेरा सोने को
वो ख्वाब बार बार वापस आते है
और सिर्फ नींद में ही नहीं
वो अब जागते हुए भी सताते हैं

अब मैं किसी ख्वाब में जीना नहीं चाहता
मरना भी नहीं मुझे किसी ख्वाब में
ना ही इंतजार करता हूँ उस पल का मैं
क्यूंकि हर पल उस इंतजार का बहुत ही दुखदाई है

मेरे ख़्वाब

आज मैंने तुम्हारे ख़्वाब देखें
ख़्वाब में तुम्हे बार बार देखें
क्या बात है मैं समझ नहीं पाया
लेकिन हर बात में सिर्फ़ तुम्हे ही पाया

क्यूँ अब मुझे यह अजीब नहीं लगता
कि हमारे बीच कुछ भी तो नहीं
वह सबके समझ के परे ही सही
लेकिन फ़िर भी है वह सबसे बढ़कर

मैं उम्मीद भी नहीं करता किसी से
कि समझे वो मेरी बातों को
समझे हमारे रिश्ते को
या फ़िर मेरे इरादे को

तुम मेरी ख़्वाब में ऐसे ही आना हर बार
मुझे रहेगा तुम्हारा हर रात इंतज़ार
उस इंतज़ार के पल को भी जीना चाहता हूँ
कि अब मैं उस ख़्वाब के लिए ख़्वाब में ही मरना चाहता हूँ

Valentine’s Day Special

For many, the special day has arrived. Though, everyone has different reasons. Few waiting to celebrate their love, few waiting to find their love, few waiting to make business out of love and last but the most talked about are the people preparing since a month to stop you from doing anything connecting love.

I remember, it was around 25th December and I was in Brigade Road, Bangalore. I was surprised to see that all the shops were empty. Nobody care to buy gifts, chocolates, not even a greeting card. The reason was recession in US and Bangalore being an IT city, also known as the Silicon Valley of India, was worst hit. Many lost their job and rest would have been waiting to lose in coming months. The celebration mood was missing. Everyone wanted to save any money left with them for the days when buying a kilo of rice and dal would make more sense than a bottle of beer or a few tequila shots.

Today, 13th February, I was in Forum Mall, Bangalore and was surprised to see the people and the enthusiasm with which they were shopping for their loved ones. The recession is still in its peak. So, why this sudden change. Though, I am the last person to comment on political issues, but here I would like to thank the people protesting against Valentine’s Day celebrations. If it has not been there, then people would never have got so much energy to enjoy this Valentine’s Day. Nobody bothered about recession anymore; at least not till this Valentine’s Day is over. Either you have to protest the Valentine’s Day celebrations or you have to stand against the moral police. Now, every shop is full of customers; not to forget the additional customers looking for Pink Chaddis. Everyone is excited about what is going to happen tomorrow. I am also excited as a spectator. My only wish is that everyone enjoys the drama, no one is hurt, and everyone remains safe.

I remember a song, which I heard long time back “Tayyab Ali Pyar Ka Dushman Hai Hai.”
Wish you all a very Happy Valentine’s Day.

एक ख्याल

आज अचानक मेरे मन में ख्याल आया कि पता नहीं मैं जो लिखता हूँ किसी को पसंद भी आता होगा या नहीं। फ़िर सोचा, यह जरुरी तो नहीं की मेरा हर लेख उत्तम कोटि का हो। यह भी जरुरी नहीं कि मेरे सारे लेख सभी लोगों को अच्छा लगे। अगर मेरा एक post भी किसी एक इंसान को पसंद आया हो तो मैं अपना लिखना सफल मानूंगा और जी भरकर लिखता रहूँगा। मुझे यकीन है की गुलज़ार के dustbin में भी कितनी कहानियाँ दम तोड़ देती होगी।